They say that whoever has a friend has a treasure but when that friendship relationship becomes unbalanced because one of the parties is too monopolizing, possessive or absorbing, it can end up becoming a real nightmare. And the same, of course, can be applied in the world of the couple.
What is the reason for this selfish attitude that ends up leaving the other without room for their own individual interests and needs? Psychology experts attribute this behavior to a lack of self-esteem of the hoarder that ends up engulfing the friend or partner: making the people around them their own, they make up for their own deficiencies.
Is it possible to identify them? In general, overly absorbing friends and partners are easily distinguished by a number of common traits . If one or more of those listed in the following list are repeated, it is possible that it is necessary to act as soon as possible to get out of a toxic relationship :
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- They are seducers of the first order. They adapt their behavior, principles and values to those of their friends or partner in order to manipulate them in favor of their own interests.
- They promote emotional dependence . They know how to analyze the fears and ghosts of the other to know how to handle them as they please when necessary.
- They have a bit of vampires . They do not respect the autonomy of others and also try to always do what they want. They become mentally exhausting , not only because of the time they require but because of how hoarders they are.
- Experts in turning the tables . They are capable of presenting themselves as false victims when in reality they are executioners. They make the other person feel bad even though they are to blame.
- They are capable of humiliating and neglecting in a subtle way without the common environment understanding it as such. Skilled in double language, they mix insults and flattery in the same conversation without hardly flinching.
- They take advantage of the trust inherent in the friendship or relationship to leave the other without emotional breath.
- They remember past mistakes and use blackmail as a tool . The phrase “remember when I did this, now it’s your turn” is typical of a hoarder. In the event that they give in, they generally do so to make a greater profit afterwards.
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- They like to sow doubt about the qualities and competence of others to disqualify them and eliminate their self-esteem.
- They are pure dichotomy . They claim to be altruistic and do everything for the benefit of their friend or partner, but they act only for their own benefit.
- They never take responsibility for their actions . They tend to flee from direct confrontation when something bothers them and it does not suit their interests. As well as to withdraw the support as it suits them.
- When faced with something that they do not like, they usually have very dramatic reactions and have a tendency to repeat the same absorbing stratagems.
- They are possessive . It is common for them to feel jealous for the welfare of the other person with others.
Is there something to do?
The big question would be: is it possible for an absorbing friend or partner to stop being so? It is difficult to give an answer because everything depends on the will that you put on your part. However, specialists recommend sincerity, a lot of communication and assertiveness with them. Firmly express that you need your own space to enjoy alone or in the company of other people.
It is up to the other party to accept the change in habits and make the effort to ‘detach’. In the event that ‘the hoarder’ does not respect this need for space, it is clear that you have to take the step to release ballast and get rid of that toxic relationship.